It's amazing what rolls through your head when your eyes pop open and you're staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night.
In service and in our journey group, we've been unpacking this whole forgiveness thing. This is really me free forming, so bear with me - there are so many nuances to it...
The seemingly obvious piece is the real apology, right? Unless it's not. Obvious, that is.
1) I was wrong
2) I'm sorry
3) Please forgive me
4) Allow me to make amends
5) Are we okay?
Now, when you have two people who know what's up and are intent on resolution and reconciliation, this works out exactly like God lays it out, right? With the potential to create a stronger relationship in the long run. Yea. That rocks.
Or you've got this situation where you feel something is not right and go after it. Either you hear gossip, something through the grapevine, or just feel that something is off. So it's really a modified version of the apology - the need to clarify, to understand and then resolve. When approached with humility and a real desire for resolution - "I have a role in this and I am going to take responsibility for it. What can I do?" - well, that's important, too.
I try to live here. On good days, I even succeed.
But then it gets pretty tricky, doesn't it? Lots of stuff gets in the way of my forgiving effectively...
** My own self righteous indignation - How dare they do that to me? Or to him or her or anyone else that's important to me? Like I haven't behaved badly time and again in my own dealings with people.
** Grading my own sins against someone else's behavior. Well, yea, I did this but I would never do that. That is so much worse than anything I would ever do. Really?
** Something is so incredibly painful that I think I'm entitled to hold on to it. All that wallowing and self-pity will serve me well somehow. hm.
** The Blame Game - You did this, you did that, this is all your fault and I am not owning any of it. This is so very rarely the truth that it's downright embarrassing for me when I get caught up in it.
** The I'm Not Wrong Game - So I'm right. So what? I have to ask myself - Is this relationship more important to me than my need to be 'right'? If so, then I need to let stuff go. I need to let stuff go anyway, but you get the point.
** I guess that naturally feeds into the "It's all about me" monster that I fight on a regular basis. It's not. I suppose some day I'll figure that out in a way that will stick. But until then, I'll keep chipping away at the concept that it's about what I think it should be.
** My desire for justice, revenge, payback. After all, someone should pay. And it's not gonna be me.
** No one asks. How am I supposed to forgive when no one even acknowledges that they've hurt me?
And then comes the really gargantuan stuff. Those situations that rip at the very fabric of who we are and how we care for one another: murder/suicide, abuse, adultery. Not all of us deal with all this. But every one of us either deals with big stuff or knows someone who does. This isn't theoretical 'oh, aren't we all sunshine and flowers in our Christian walk?' This is real life, Monday morning application, how do I live as a dedicated Christ Follower with all this junk?
Well, let's be honest in the fact that we fail. Sometimes epically. However, we do have some tools we can use when we're in the middle of the desert. Here are some of mine:
I am a new creation in Christ. I have a choice. I can choose to forgive.
I can do all through Christ who gives me strength. On my own, I may never be able to do this. Lucky for us, we're not on our own.
I recognize both the event and the process. I turn it over to Him. Sometimes just once. Sometimes again, and again, and again. And when necessary, yet again.
Lord, help me with my unforgiveness. That one's pretty self-explanatory.
There is a purpose to all things. I never want to confront this in the middle of something. It's always only with time and perspective that I can allow myself to look at the bigger picture. Sometimes you just got to sit in
the booth.
It's not about me. How does God intend to use this? Who will grow and be changed?

I have this role model. The guy I say I've dedicated my life to.
He's up there on the cross. I haven't been crucified in my lifetime but I'm betting if that were to happen to me I'd need some time to fume and examine and overanalyze and process and rage. He doesn't do any of that. Even while He's up there He's already asking for forgiveness on our behalf.
Who does that? Oh, yea. The guy I'm trying to mold my life after and honor with every breath I take.
Thanks to my journey group. Can't wait 'til Sunday.
Recent Comments