life with SouthField Kids

not so random thoughts from 3:26 am

It's amazing what rolls through your head when your eyes pop open and you're staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night.

 

In service and in our journey group, we've been unpacking this whole forgiveness thing.  This is really me free forming, so bear with me - there are so many nuances to it...

 

The seemingly obvious piece is the real apology, right?  Unless it's not.  Obvious, that is.

 

1) I was wrong

2) I'm sorry

3) Please forgive me

4) Allow me to make amends

5) Are we okay?

 

Now, when you have two people who know what's up and are intent on resolution and reconciliation, this works out exactly like God lays it out, right?  With the potential to create a stronger relationship in the long run.  Yea.  That rocks.

 

Or you've got this situation where you feel something is not right and go after it.  Either you hear gossip, something through the grapevine, or just feel that something is off.  So it's really a modified version of the apology - the need to clarify, to understand and then resolve.  When approached with humility and a real desire for resolution - "I have a role in this and I am going to take responsibility for it.  What can I do?" - well, that's important, too. 

 

I try to live here.  On good days, I even succeed.

 

But then it gets pretty tricky, doesn't it?  Lots of stuff gets in the way of my forgiving effectively...

 

** My own self righteous indignation - How dare they do that to me?  Or to him or her or anyone else that's important to me?  Like I haven't behaved badly time and again in my own dealings with people.

 

** Grading my own sins against someone else's behavior.  Well, yea, I did this but I would never do that.  That is so much worse than anything I would ever do.  Really?

 

** Something is so incredibly painful that I think I'm entitled to hold on to it.  All that wallowing and self-pity will serve me well somehow. hm.

 

** The Blame Game - You did this, you did that, this is all your fault and I am not owning any of it.  This is so very rarely the truth that it's downright embarrassing for me when I get caught up in it.

 

** The I'm Not Wrong Game - So I'm right.  So what?  I have to ask myself - Is this relationship more important to me than my need to be 'right'?  If so, then I need to let stuff go.  I need to let stuff go anyway, but you get the point.

 

** I guess that naturally feeds into the "It's all about me" monster that I fight on a regular basis.  It's not.  I suppose some day I'll figure that out in a way that will stick.  But until then, I'll keep chipping away at the concept that it's about what I think it should be.

 

** My desire for justice, revenge, payback.  After all, someone should pay.  And it's not gonna be me.

 

** No one asks.  How am I supposed to forgive when no one even acknowledges that they've hurt me?

 

And then comes the really gargantuan stuff.  Those situations that rip at the very fabric of who we are and how we care for one another:  murder/suicide, abuse, adultery.  Not all of us deal with all this.  But every one of us either deals with big stuff or knows someone who does.  This isn't theoretical 'oh, aren't we all sunshine and flowers in our Christian walk?'  This is real life, Monday morning application, how do I live as a dedicated Christ Follower with all this junk?

 

Well, let's be honest in the fact that we fail.  Sometimes epically.  However, we do have some tools we can use when we're in the middle of the desert.    Here are some of mine:

 

I am a new creation in Christ.  I have a choice.  I can choose to forgive. 

 

I can do all through Christ who gives me strength.  On my own, I may never be able to do this.  Lucky for us, we're not on our own. 

 

I recognize both the event and the process.  I turn it over to Him.  Sometimes just once.  Sometimes again, and again, and again.  And when necessary, yet again.

 

Lord, help me with my unforgiveness.  That one's pretty self-explanatory. 

 

There is a purpose to all things.  I never want to confront this in the middle of something.  It's always only with time and perspective that I can allow myself to look at the bigger picture.  Sometimes you just got to sit in the booth.

 

It's not about me.  How does God intend to use this?  Who will grow and be changed? 

 

I have this role model.  The guy I say I've dedicated my life to.  

He's up there on the cross.  I haven't been crucified in my lifetime but I'm betting if that were to happen to me I'd need some time to fume and examine and overanalyze and process and rage.  He doesn't do any of that.  Even while He's up there He's already asking for forgiveness on our behalf. 

 

Who does that?  Oh, yea.  The guy I'm trying to mold my life after and honor with every breath I take. 

 

Thanks to my journey group.  Can't wait 'til Sunday.

 

 

walk away changed

"As forgiven people, we are not entitled to unforgiveness."

random thoughts from the living room couch...

**  If it wasn't for texting, I doubt I would ever have any contact with my college freshman.  Unlimited texting was one of the best investments we made preparing for college.

**  I think texting is a really awesome invention.  Now, I'm not always a techie girl.  I mean, I like to blog, I check my email regularly, I even Facebook.  But I don't have an iPhone, I don't Twitter (I figure I gotta draw the line somewhere and, seriously, my life's just not that interesting anyway) and I have never posted a video of my own online.  Don't know how.  But texting, now that I can do.  

**  oooh, look, something shiny

** Well, except when I drive.  I don't multi-task that well.  Probably take out some poor bunny foofoo on the road if I do that.  I tend to stick to parking lots and red lights when I text in the car.  Theoretically.

** I love this on-ramp, off-ramp concept we've adopted for our Journey Groups.  Meeting different people, connecting with new people in ways I never would have otherwise, learning from people way smarter than me.  Yea, that rocks.

**  I was reminded recently that worship is not just an experience.  It's a way of life.  We need those little reminders along the way, don't we?  Well, I do.

** Winter is not really my season, and it's coming up way too fast.  I don't do cold well.  I do love the snow, I love the way ice looks on branches, I love to get out there and build that snowman with the little man and then come in for hot chocolate...hmm, maybe winter is more my season than I thought.  But I still don't do cold well.

** Forgiveness has been on my mind a great deal this week.  The process of it and how it can be both painful and powerful.  Let's not kid ourselves about how difficult it can be.  But still, given and received, what an incredible gift from God. 

** It is so incredibly cool to watch my kids mature into independent young leaders.  I love watching God work on them, even when it's hard.

** Every once in a while, Jeff is off while I work and I come home to dinner ready.  Gotta love a guy who cooks well.  yea, I think I'll keep him.

Asking Questions

Todd Rhodes had an article on his blog last week that offered some insights into how Dan Brown lost his faith.  That name may sound familiar to you.  His book, "The Da Vinci Code" created a bit of a stir in the Christian community awhile back.

In a recent interview in Parade Magazine, Dan says, "I was raised Episcopalian, and I was very religious as a kid. Then, in eighth or ninth grade, I studied astronomy, cosmology, and the origins of the universe. I remember saying to a minister, 'I don't get it. I read a book that said there was an explosion known as the Big Bang, but here it says God created heaven and Earth and the animals in seven days. Which is right?' Unfortunately, the response I got was, 'Nice boys don't ask that question.' A light went off, and I said, 'The Bible doesn't make sense. Science makes much more sense to me.' And I just gravitated away from religion."

ggrrrrr.  ok, here's the deal:  Nice boys do ask those questions.  I don't think God is afraid of our questions.  I trust that God wants us to make our faith our very own, recognizing that we all travel the journey in our own unique way. 

Some people are blessed with the spiritual gift of faith - no questions, no doubts, no fears. For them, everything makes sense and trust comes naturally.

Then there are those of us who are not.  I came to Christ as an adult after a very convoluted journey.  I had boatloads of questions.  Questions about suffering, pain, doubt.  Who is God?  The vengeful, angry God of the Old Testament or the loving, forgiving God of the New Testament?  Why do bad things happen to good people?   How does science fit into God's plan?  What does God see in me?  Who I am in Christ?

I had a child who was asking these questions right along with me.  Part of the reason we landed at SouthField was we were both looking for answers.  As parents, we might not have all the answers.  That's okay.  But we have resources.  We have the truth of God's Word.  We have a Pastor who is dedicated to bringing us into the presence of God in authentic worship.  We have Journey Groups devoted to individual spritual growth.  We have a vibrant support network of other parents who want to be able to help their kids make their faith their own.

After a time, I realized I had to be content with the fact that we're not always going to be able to answer every question.  People spend their whole lives searching to the answers to some of these questions.  In the end, for me, it comes down to trust.  I trust God's plan and God's promises even if not everything makes sense.   

True, we might not always have the answers.  But we always want our kids to be able to ask the questions.

"Shift" by Brian Hayes

** It was an honor to be asked to participate in an online book tour of the new book, "Shift:  What it takes to finally reach families today" by Brian Hayes   Thanks, Henry! **

Pastor Hayes opens the book with an excellent explanation of the biblical concept of "The Shema" (found in Deuteronomy 6), God's plan for spiritual formation.  It is God's desire that we communicate the truth of His Word and that we impact and equip the next generation. 

The path laid out by Pastor Hayes to achieve this goal implements a strategy designed to equip parents to be their children's 'primary faith influencer'.  Each milestone is clearly defined:  The birth of a baby (Dedication), the Faith Commitment, Preparing for Adolescence, Commitment to Purity, Passage to Adulthood, High School Graduation and A Life in Christ. 

In order for it to be most effective, it must be implemented by a fully integrated generational team.  Each team member takes responsibility for their milestone and its accompanying programmatic elements.  While some of these roles may overlap, the pastoral staff and volunteer servants must be dedicated to implementing the strategy as a team.

Pastor Hayes is very clear that implementing these milestones may require a paradigm shift.  Sometimes a very significant shift.  If you serve a church which has consciously chosen a more 'simple' relational path to ministry - focusing on Sundays, Service and Small Groups - choosing to implement this strategy will require the introduction of parent education events, including parent conferences and seminars, whole church events and the facilitation of family celebrations.

My one concern in reading the book, and it surfaced frequently, was what about our non-traditional families?  Our single moms/dads, our infrequent attenders, our children who attend with friends and not their parents?  How do we reach out to those families who do not meet our stereotypical expectations of what a 'church' family is?  Especially when these milestones are so completely implemented within the walls of the church building itself?

I do love that he is so intentional about wanting to create opportunities to equip and support parents.  This book is chock-full of really great ideas and I will admit that I am still processing it, turning possibilities over in my head. 

Overall, I found it well worth the time and I'm looking forward to discussing possibilities with my own church leadership team.

...hit ball

part two of our look at how to share the Gospel with kids in a way that's meaningful and effective

Becoming God's friend is as easy as A B C.  First of all, everyone knows that no one is perfect.  We have all done wrong things.  The Bible calls those wrong things 'sin' and says that those wrong things get in the way of our friendship with God.  But the good news is that God loves us so much that He made a way for our friendship to be fixed and it's as easy as A B C.

"A" stands for Admit.  We need to admit to God that we've done wrong things and ask His forgiveness.   That's easy.

"B" stands for Believe.  We need to tell God that we believe that Jesus is His son.  We also need to tell God that we believe that Jesus took the punishment for the wrong things we've done when He died on the cross.  That's pretty easy, too.

"C" stands for Choose.  This is the hard part.  We have to make a choice.  We need to tell God that we choose to live His way and that we want Him to be our leader, for the rest of our lives.  Choosing God as our leader means that we will stop living our way and will let Him be our 'boss' because we love Him.

And there's more good news!  The Bible says there's a big party in heaven every time someone prays to become His friend.  Once you choose Jesus as your forgiver and leader, God promises that you will never be his enemy again and that you will live with Him forever in Heaven.  Let's Pray.

Finally, be natural.  No one can make a more a more important or significant decision in their lifetime that to choose Jesus as their forgiver and leader.  However, we sometimes make the task of sharing the Gospel into such an insurmountable chore that it becomes a terror.  Part of the reason for this is that we don't talk about our faith in every day life.  Sharing the Gospel should be as natural as talking about your best friend, or your favorite hobby. 

Remember, each child is on a spiritual journey and you are a signpost along the way, pointing to Christ.  It is important that we do our best in sharing the Gospel, but we need to recognize the fact that it is God who changes the hearts of men, women and children - not persuasive words or fine sounding speeches.

So.  Be prepared.  Pray.  Do your best.  Practice.  Learn from your mistakes.  Trust in The Plan.

See ball, hit ball.

see ball...

John Bieker is one of the good guys.  Over the years, I have watched him pour his heart into our kids - first in AdventureLand, then in Access, and now in SouthField Student Ministries.  In all the time I have known him, and his wife Susan, there has never been a time when they weren't investing in our children.  My children are better people for having known them and I will be forever grateful for their servant's hearts. 

John is a gifted teacher and several years ago we went to him and asked him to help us develop a training tool for small group leaders concerned about their ability to communicate the Gospel effectively.

This is one of my favorite communication tools.  Thanks, John!

"It's as Easy as A-B-C:  Sharing the Gospel in a Kid-friendly Way"

Sometimes we, as adults, have a way of overcomplicating things.  We take relatively simple concepts, like hitting a baseball, and we break it down to a science.  "Hold your hands two inches from your shoulder," "keep your weight back," "don't stride too far," "snap your wrists," and on and on it goes.  The information overload leads to confusion and frustration.

Instead, we need to adopt all-time great slugger Kirby Puckett's approach.  When asked how to break out of a batting slump, he responded, "See ball.  Hit ball."  It's as simple as that.

Sharing the Gospel with a child can seem like a daunting task, especially if you're not used to sharing your faith with others.  But, in reality, it's much less complicated than it would appear.  Although we may think that we need to explain deep theological truths to a child for them to really 'get it,' the exact opposite is true.  When talking with a child about having a relationship with God there are a few simple things to remember. 

First, use words children understand.  Kids are concrete and have a difficult time understanding abstract terms like reconciliation, pardon, sanctification, Lord and Savior, etc.  Rather than using words that have no meaning to a child, try using words like these:

** Instead of saying 'eternal life' try saying 'live with God forever'

** Instead of saying 'Lord and Savior' try saying 'forgiver and leader'

Most kids know what it means to forgive and they understand that mom or dad or someone else is 'the boss of them" - their leader.  God wants to be their forgiver and leader. 

The most important thing is that the children understand what you're saying to them.  It's our responsibility to present the Gospel as clearly and concisely as possible.  When and how the child responds is not our responsibility - it's the Holy Spirit who pursues and convicts.

Second, keep it short.  Attention spans for young children are not long.  As such you need to be prepared with what you're going to say...

next:  hit ball

Kid friendly...

Sanctification...Justification...Redeemed - - all of these are important concepts.  But too often they can serve as barriers to communication, particularly with children.  There absolutely is a time and a place to introduce children to these words.  But at this stage, it's much more effective to introduce the concepts in language they can understand...

An example of a kid friendly presentation of Christ's love for us:

God knows everything and can do anything and see everyone.  He loves us very much and wants us to be friends with Him.  But we do wrong things and get in trouble.  So much trouble that we wouldn’t be able to get into heaven by ourselves.  When we do bad stuff, it makes God sad.  But God knows we would never to be able to fix it on our own, so He has a plan.  And because He loves us so much, Jesus agreed to be in trouble for our wrong stuff. He even had to die for our sins by hanging on a cross, even though He never did anything wrong.  But He didn’t stay dead.  And we can choose to live God’s way and be Jesus’ forever friend and ask Him to help us do right things.

next:  see ball, hit ball

Gospel Presentation

Sunday is our first Gospel presentation of the ministry year.  All this week we'll be discussing some ways to use the morning most effectively...

Next Steps

If your children have already chosen to be dedicated Christ Followers, Salvation Sunday is a great opportunity to have a 'next step' conversation.  Use this opportunity to encourage your children who are saved to share their experiences with those who aren't and develop some leadership skills among your more mature children.

Have they been baptized?  Have they identified their spiritual gifts?  How do - or could - they serve?  Do they share with and/or invite their friends? 

These are some concrete discussions you can have with them concerning their next steps. 

Helping kids use positive peer pressure

Follow these helpful tips to encourage positive peer pressure with the kids you minister to:

Tip 1: Build relationships. As Christian educators, we may lose sight of the fact that we are kids' shepherds -- not just their teachers. Help kids find healthy relationships at church that they can depend on outside of church. If your church is large, help kids discover who the other kids are who attend their school. Plan activities outside of church where kids get to have fun together. Give parents class rosters so they can arrange connections between their kids and others at church. Spend a significant part of your class time letting kids get to know each other and pray for one another. Celebrate friendships at church!

Tip 2: Show Jesus as the peer kids can trust. Patty Hall, a Sunday school teacher, tells how this principle worked in her young life and later in her classroom: "When I was growing up during the late '70s, a lot of things were going on -- drugs, sex, etc. But whenever I left our house, my mother would kiss me goodbye and say, 'Remember, Sweetheart, if Jesus came tonight, would you be ashamed of where he might find you?' Ouch! I don't know how many times that kept me out of harm's way." Patty continues, "It still works! When I was teaching the high schoolers at our church, at the end of each class I'd remind them of the phrase my mother ingrained in me throughout my youth. I didn't think it was getting through to them. But one day, a girl known for her wildness told me how much that little phrase helped her. She used it to stay clear of trouble, and she turned her life back over to the Lord."

Tip 3: Lead kids in role-plays. We all tend to learn by repetition and practice. Role-playing exercises in Sunday school give kids opportunities to experience possibilities of what they might do or say in real-life situations. Propose various scenarios that involve kids in every type of positive peer pressure: changing or avoiding harmful behavior, daring to do something they've never done before, and resisting negative peer pressure. Then debrief each role-play with kids to point out the positive things they did or said.

Tip 4: Issue a positive peer pressure challenge. Make it a game for kids to watch for positive peer pressure in action in their everyday lives and then report these incidents back to your class. Affirm children who are brave enough to share. Examples from children's experiences are often the best teachers of all. With positive peer pressure, we can help our kids master a new tool to keep their lives on track with God. Positive peer pressure can help them stay clear of trouble and "spur one another on to love and good deeds."

written by Jill Nelson - original article here...